I like to write
because I can be me
or I can be you
or I can be a boy, a girl,
or a monkey who talks
I can make mistakes
and my grammar can be off
and I can misspell a word
or perhaps even make one up
I can order the mix word
I can stop my idea just as I
I can create a world
with volcanoes of chocolate
or one where my dad is still alive
I can make a friend
and happy ending
or I can make an enemy
and bleed across the page
I can invite you to read
or close the cover on your fingers
I can make you happy
or make you laugh
or make you miserable
and I can control your mind
and I know it may not be important
but I will still write it anyway
just because
I like to write
16 October, 2013
05 October, 2013
Waves
The beach always makes me think. The waves are enormous as they hover over the sand like a villain in a dark alley of a poorly made horror film and then crash into the ground; they disappear. Pummeling one after the next they each take a chance to prove that they are the greatest wave to ever come out of the ocean, only to be absorbed into the ground they smack into without praise, applause or congratulation. Foam remains of the once majestic water king and is quickly washed away by the next in line.
I always believed that our lives are like waves. We humbly begin as tiny ripples amongst an ocean of a billion others. All of us dream of making it to the shore line to prove ourselves worthy to the rest of the world. Continually fighting and growing we make our way closer to our goal until we peak and crash down into the ground to remain there for the rest of eternity. A lot of people have told me that is such a morbid thing to think about, but I still believe it is a pretty comparable analogy.
This is why I always come to the beach at night; it is calming and soothing. My mind is at ease when I see the dark sky above a seemingly endless supply of water, rising and sinking to the whims of the moon. The sun always bothered me at the beach. I am always blinded and unable to witness the beauty of death and rebirth that is occurring before me. I tend to go alone too, since no one seems to understand the symbolism of what I see. But that is also how I have always been, alone in the world of seven billion people.
I always believed that our lives are like waves. We humbly begin as tiny ripples amongst an ocean of a billion others. All of us dream of making it to the shore line to prove ourselves worthy to the rest of the world. Continually fighting and growing we make our way closer to our goal until we peak and crash down into the ground to remain there for the rest of eternity. A lot of people have told me that is such a morbid thing to think about, but I still believe it is a pretty comparable analogy.
This is why I always come to the beach at night; it is calming and soothing. My mind is at ease when I see the dark sky above a seemingly endless supply of water, rising and sinking to the whims of the moon. The sun always bothered me at the beach. I am always blinded and unable to witness the beauty of death and rebirth that is occurring before me. I tend to go alone too, since no one seems to understand the symbolism of what I see. But that is also how I have always been, alone in the world of seven billion people.
02 October, 2013
The Note
It was about quarter to six when I got home from work, lights all out in my apartment, and I wondered why since she should have been home from work by now herself. She did not text me at all today but I was so busy myself I had hardly realized until I walked up to my front door, unlit and knob slightly colder than normal. I walked inside with nothing out of place, but a note was placed upon the counter. It read:
"Dear Samuel," which is never good when my full first name is used,
"I wanted to tell you in person but I did not have the heart. It is not that I do not love you anymore, I promise you I do, but I also just was talking with Janine and, well, I think it just isn't fair for me. I think I settled."
At that moment it was as if the knife beside the note just pierced through my chest. Settled? After three years now you finally realized the big epiphany? One talk with a friend is all it takes? Settled? My mind could not wrap itself around this idea after three years.
"I know you think I am crazy." Perhaps I should have read this part as well before I reacted; perhaps it was a positive thing that at least she knew.
"I truly do apologize. I do not want you to blame yourself or think you're anything less than amazing." I think this is my favorite part I read. I am not good enough for you, but I am nothing less than amazing. The oxymoron for the regular moron. I got a little bitter by this point, as it became obvious that this whole letter was a sham to make herself feel better.
"I never cheated on you." As she writes that down, it just becomes implanted in my head that maybe she did.
"I have always loved you." I doubt it.
"And I hope you never forget what we had together." At this point of the letter I almost threw it away. However, for whatever reason, my mind needed to be berated a bit more by this complete bull my now ex was saying.
"However, I am leaving, forever." And there was the nail in the coffin. It was finally spelled out. I just have no idea why she was doing this to me through a letter. Really? A letter? In an era where technology is everywhere almost to a fault, you write me a letter. I could not even hear her last words to me, I had to read them.
"I should explain the conversation I had with Janine. We were talking about you and Marc and how you two are great boyfriends and how we love each of you truly and madly. You give me everything I need before I ask it and buy me little gifts just because it is another day we have been together. And I smile, but I settled. I settled for the prince the five year old me wanted, instead of the king the thirty year old me needs. I know that may not make sense to you, but every Abercrombie and Fitch model walking down the street reminded me of everything I could be having, but they won't settle for me like I did for you. I do love you, I promise, but I need to go.
Love,
Aimee."
I had no idea what that last paragraph meant, I read it back and forth and really had no idea. I was genuinely stumped. I picked up my phone and called her to just ask her nothing more than what that cryptic end meant, and I heard her phone in the bedroom. I opened the door and saw her on the bed in a pool of blood with the other kitchen knife in her hand and a deep slice across her neck.
"Dear Samuel," which is never good when my full first name is used,
"I wanted to tell you in person but I did not have the heart. It is not that I do not love you anymore, I promise you I do, but I also just was talking with Janine and, well, I think it just isn't fair for me. I think I settled."
At that moment it was as if the knife beside the note just pierced through my chest. Settled? After three years now you finally realized the big epiphany? One talk with a friend is all it takes? Settled? My mind could not wrap itself around this idea after three years.
"I know you think I am crazy." Perhaps I should have read this part as well before I reacted; perhaps it was a positive thing that at least she knew.
"I truly do apologize. I do not want you to blame yourself or think you're anything less than amazing." I think this is my favorite part I read. I am not good enough for you, but I am nothing less than amazing. The oxymoron for the regular moron. I got a little bitter by this point, as it became obvious that this whole letter was a sham to make herself feel better.
"I never cheated on you." As she writes that down, it just becomes implanted in my head that maybe she did.
"I have always loved you." I doubt it.
"And I hope you never forget what we had together." At this point of the letter I almost threw it away. However, for whatever reason, my mind needed to be berated a bit more by this complete bull my now ex was saying.
"However, I am leaving, forever." And there was the nail in the coffin. It was finally spelled out. I just have no idea why she was doing this to me through a letter. Really? A letter? In an era where technology is everywhere almost to a fault, you write me a letter. I could not even hear her last words to me, I had to read them.
"I should explain the conversation I had with Janine. We were talking about you and Marc and how you two are great boyfriends and how we love each of you truly and madly. You give me everything I need before I ask it and buy me little gifts just because it is another day we have been together. And I smile, but I settled. I settled for the prince the five year old me wanted, instead of the king the thirty year old me needs. I know that may not make sense to you, but every Abercrombie and Fitch model walking down the street reminded me of everything I could be having, but they won't settle for me like I did for you. I do love you, I promise, but I need to go.
Love,
Aimee."
I had no idea what that last paragraph meant, I read it back and forth and really had no idea. I was genuinely stumped. I picked up my phone and called her to just ask her nothing more than what that cryptic end meant, and I heard her phone in the bedroom. I opened the door and saw her on the bed in a pool of blood with the other kitchen knife in her hand and a deep slice across her neck.
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