My Apology

To all whom may have been affected;

I, the king of backhanded insults and sarcastic wordplay, apologize to you, purest of the innocents, for the way we have interacted in the past few years.  I assure you that karma, although normally not immediately effective, has taken its toll on my spirit and mind, and I wish to express my remorse.  You may be unaware but my life has been so thoroughly misdirected that even at this very moment I am relaxing my head upon a pillow of mud.

In the past, I have used my fast wit and clever persiflage to conceal that, in actuality, I desired to be your mirror image.  I hoped that in time, my body would transform into yours and that together we would be two pedals to the same bicycle.  As time continued, I realized that your interest in my life became less, and in order to become noticed my subtleties needed to become more apparent, and my brashness became scars upon my own body for the world to see.  Subsequently, now anyone else I met would ask about my scars, and to them I replied in a manner so acrimonious that even I would shudder with distaste.  And so the proverbial snowball would roll down the mountainside quicker, gaining strength solely in its massive volume, and I, the core of the progressing nightmare, was unable to combat my own destructive nature.

For this, I write this formal atoning decree, to explain that I am experiencing great anguish about all I have done to you.  I truly only wished to be as delightful and forgiving as you, but alas, now you have not spoken to me in years and I only have myself to blame for these cicatrices.  I know you have moved onward in life, and without much consideration to when I was in yours, but hopefully this is the hatchet in our limping relationship and we can continue forward so I can try to prove that I am truly aspiring to be your analogue.

My sincerest apologies and usurp my throne, please, as the poison in my ear has dried up and you are its rightful heir. 

Sic sempre tyrannis.