Swallowing My Pride

I was wrong. I understand that I messed up. Everything was devised of poor decisions, poor mentality and poor thinking. I believed for the first time in my life I was invincible, infallible, incapable of error... and I was wrong. I have always been stubborn and a bit arrogant but I always misconstrued it to myself as being confident. I realize now that I thought I was better than mistakes and, well, I am not. In fact I am far from the perfection I once believed I was, and I am okay with this now. I am swallowing my pride, simply because my pride in perfection no longer exists. I am not perfect; I make mistakes and not everything that is wrong is someone's fault, because many times it is my fault. I mess up but I am allowed to. I lose in things but I am allowed to. I say things I wish I did not but at the time I was allowed to. I am a human being and I am allowed to do things and regret things and apologize.

I once believed I should not regret anything in my life, but I change my opinion. I regret things I have done, and I find nothing wrong with this feeling. To regret something shows there was a lapse in perfection for the moment, even if perhaps it was not possible to realize that in the future something would be affected (ex: I regret not eating that cupcake because I am so hungry now). I regret what I did, I regret the pain I caused you and I regret playing it off like it was simply nothing. I am aware that what I did was terrible, and although a few months late, I realize that any reaction of it that you had and still have is fair. I took things for granted and for that, I apologize.

Perhaps karma has already caught up to me, but I am in pain. And this pain, as Dostoyevsky would explain, makes me realize I am real (although at this time perhaps I would rather make believe that I just do not exist). I do apologize wholeheartedly, and you deserve the world.

The world was my oyster, and I returned it to the sea.